


Undo

by therewithasmile



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Drabble, F/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 16:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7900411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therewithasmile/pseuds/therewithasmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But he never blamed her. </p><p>He never blamed her once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undo

**Author's Note:**

> It refused to leave my mind.

They did it. They won. The calamity was over. The galaxy would heal. Everything would go back to normal. They’d rebuild. Order would be restored. 

Life would go on. 

But it’d be without her. She wouldn’t be there to celebrate. She wouldn’t watch over the reconstruction, wouldn’t be there to accept the medals and the awards for her efforts, wouldn’t be there to dance the night away in celebration, wouldn’t be there to spin out of control (because she’s _never_ been a good dancer) and fall into his arms, wouldn’t ever be there to laugh before tugging on a mandible for a kiss. Wouldn’t be there to whisk him away, playful laughter in her eyes, and drag him to the loading dock. “ _Just a small cruise around the Citadel,”_ she’d say, and though he knew she was lying he really _didn’t_ have a choice, after all they were already halfway to the elevators and there’d be that sparkle in her eye and he knew, he always knew, he could never say no. 

But she wouldn’t be there. She wouldn’t do that. 

It wasn’t fair. No one acknowledged her since the beginning, no one had recognized her as the hero that she’d been since the first damn day she stepped onto the Citadel, since she made her plea that Saren was a damn  _ liar  _ and shit, he’d honestly suspected for himself, but somehow she had charmed him even back then into following her. He’d known she was a hero since the first time she stopped him from gunning down Saleon, known when she was reported missing the first time when her ship was destroyed, and known  _ again  _ when she stood stubbornly in his way, when she treated him not as a man acting out of desperation, but a friend who needed help fighting their demons -- but head on, as she’d always been, as she told him to  _ stand, down _ .

Hell, he’d known she’s a hero especially when her lips had grazed his when he finally got her back, known that he didn’t deserve her and the entire fucking  _ galaxy  _ didn’t deserve her but she’s a fighter and a damn hero and though she’d return to his arms at night, the entire time, she never truly  _ was  _ his. Because she’d fidget in her sleep and would wake up trembling, but instead of staying, instead of  _ being scared _ , she found that drive within her to turn that fear into energy and he’d watch her, leaps and bounds ahead of him, and though she’d never call herself a hero, he’d also never call her self aware -- but that would be  _ two  _ lies, and he too had never been much of a liar to begin with. 

But no, he’s realized now that this wasn’t mourning, this was  _ anger _ . He’d finished mourning the day he put her name on the memorial and had walked away, but he knew he’d remember her, and hell maybe everyone else would but they didn’t  _ know  _ her. They don’t know her the way he does and they don’t  _ know  _ her smile and her touch, didn’t know how she lead her missions with an iron fist but would love her entire crew dearly. Didn’t know how she was ticklish around her waist (and that would make him blush), didn’t know she was clumsy on her feet when it was anything  _ but  _ a charge and didn’t know that her hands were unbearably soft, even by human standards. They didn’t know her insecurity with her biotics nor her new fear of needles, didn’t know the way silent tears would stream down her face when she slept. They didn’t know her, they didn’t know her, and they  _ wouldn’t  _ know her; they never cared and they never  _ listened  _ and they didn’t come back for her and they --   _ didn’t -- deserve her!  _

_ … _

He didn’t deserve her either. 

He really, never, did. 

He wondered if he’s not mad at all of them, but if he was simply mad at himself. 

Yet, after all was said and done, after the construction restarted and the missions went on in her absence, Garrus knew that, deep down, he’d undo it all to get her back. 


End file.
